Thursday, July 8, 2010

A heart of gratitude: A new song emerges

As I sit here in the quiet, surrounded by boxes upon boxes, my heart is full. Full of gratitude for family and friends that cared so fully for us these last few years. Full of expectation for what comes next in Charlottesville. And mixed into the middle of it all, my heart is full of a quiet emotional struggle that comes in waves. Yet, that is life. And in this moment, I am choosing not to mourn only my losses or cheer for only my gains, for one over the other seems incomplete...instead I offer thanks for what has been and am grateful for opportunities which are to come.

Goshen has really changed me. I feel that the struggles I've been through in these past 2 years (Shawn's mother's cancer and death, our serious car accident...and the attempt to make sense of it all...) have deepened an awareness within myself of who I am and what I have been called to do. It is ironic at how times of darkness forge and widen the depth of a soul.

As I've written in previous posts, the song that has followed me these past few years has been "Be Still And Know." It is interesting, that as I was on a personal retreat last week, I heard a new song emerge deep within, "Alleluia! The Great Storm is Over" by Bob Franke. The chorus line repeats, "Alleluia, the great storm is over, lift up your wings and fly."

Without trying to sound too glib or gloss over things (because by no means is my life perfect and wrapped up with a bow), I do sense the start to a deep healing and a deep peace. For this, I give thanks. I was reminded on my retreat that storms don't last forever, even though they can feel like it when in the midst of it. The sun is beginning to break through the clouds (don't take this personally, people of Northern Indiana!), as I stand looking east towards Virginia.

A new time. A new season. The great storm is over. Lift up your wings and fly. I praise God for these opportunities of not only moving ahead, but also for the storm and how it shaped me, and for the people that held me through the stormy gales.

"Alleluia, the great storm is over, lift up your wings and fly."
And did I mention, the tune?
Appalachian.

Funny, God, funny.