Thursday, May 26, 2011

Run D.M.C.

Give two little boys a set of headphones,
attached to nothing,
and see what they come up with.







Where do they get this from?

Must be from the rapper, G-mommy.


Wednesday, May 25, 2011

I'm moving

I am attempting to move to my blog to a new host: Wordpress.  I like the features and look better.  Hopefully, it will all work out smoothly and I won't lose everything!!

I am not anticipating that it will change anything for you, dear readers.  My domain name should be the same...www.everything-belongs.com

But incase it does, I'm currently using, rachelsgerber.wordpress.com, as an initial way to activate my account there, in hopes to switch over my domain name soon, if it doesn't do it automatically.

We shall see...
We shall see.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Transforming the funk

So, I've been in a funk lately.  


Running, running, running....
yet seemingly going nowhere.
And nothing gets done. 
The clothes are still not put away,
the dishes impregnate, 
and dirt.
Oh my.
Where does it come from?


Two words.
Little boys.


It is just how it is. 
And how it will be.
And maybe even,
how it should be.


And yet, some days it is just so exhausting.
The attitude,
the mess,
the monotony of the hamster wheel that seems to never. stop. never. stop. never. stop....


As I turn out of the drive to catch a few hours of mama-brain time,
here run two pint-sized beauties,
reflections of their (F)ather,
waving hog-wild after me...


"Mom! Mooooooom! I love you! 
Happy Mother's Day! 
(Thanks, albeit a few weeks late)
Merry Christmas!  
(The little one trying to keep up with the holiday cheer) 
L've you!"


I smile. 
Smile because I am going out...alone? 
Of course,
but my heart beams. 


Two boys.


Chaos. 
Of course...
because I have
two boys.


Why do I forget?
How can I forget the blessings?


They fall fresh upon,
dusting off the tiredness,
the monotony.
I have be given
two
boys.


Two messy,
crazy,
syrupy-sweet,
boys. 
I realize that in the remembering of these blessings,
and giving thanks, 
transformation takes hold.
Of everything.


In the moment of this epiphany my soul hearkens to the one I cannot shake in this Easter season, when the cloaked Jesus appears.

As they came near the village to which they were going, 
he walked ahead as if he were going on. 
But they urged him strongly, saying, 
‘Stay with us, because it is almost evening and the day is now nearly over.’ 
So he went in to stay with them. 
When he was at the table with them, 
he took bread, 
blessed and broke it, 
and gave it to them. 
Then their eyes were opened, 
and they recognized him; 
and he vanished from their sight. 
~Luke 24:28-32

For the eyes of these weary travelers were opened, 
not only as they offered hospitality--
as they opened their home,
a place to stay, play, eat, be to this one passing through-- 
But it was in the very act of giving thanks for "their daily bread,"
that they saw the Christ.
They saw the One who was with them the entire time.

For in the act of giving thanks
for the daily blessings of life,
it transforms,
awakens
my dull heart
to see the true gifts in my life.
And the One that is always present...
even in the pint-sized packages.
Especially in the pint-sized packages.

Holy work.
(Which is also, holy work, Batman!)
Though I do this never alone,
always with the Christ that journeys with.
Offering strength and sustenance.

May I not forget.
And if when I do...
Christ, meet me 
again
on this laundry-stained road.



Thursday, May 19, 2011

How to be happy in life

Happiness. 
Want to know how to get it?  
The secret is right there, if you read between the lines.  
Which is right where I got stuck today in reading Psalm 146.

Happy are those whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord their God..

Whose help is in God. 
Help.
This is what struck me, 
the ever-independent...

I need to be willing to be helped.
Tough to swallow considering I tend to identify with the Enneagram Type 2,
which is aptly named,
HELPER.

To offer help is one thing, but to be willing to be helped is another.
It takes vulnerability,
trust,
release.

Plunging into my soul I must ask myself the query that looms, 
down-deep,
at the center of the core,
do I really believe that it is God who holds everything together
or is this the mask that covers the true lie--
it's me? 

Me, the helper, 
the one who is always trying to be good,
to earn love,
and acceptance...
bearing the martyr burdens,
thinking in exchange happiness will ensue?

But this is a dead end road.
And ultimately...life.
Because I. am. not. God.

In this resurrection season,
as death digs deep in the earth
only to release the hope and joy of new life,
so do I stretch my hands upward.
Turning my face heavenward,
I realize that happiness is found
in who comes to me.
The true Help--
the one who is always first reaching out
to this mama who tries so hard,
(or am I just distracted, afraid of seeing the Light?)
but continually falls short.

Yet breathes grace.
Upon grace.

It's not up to me.
It's not all up to me.

Release brings peace.

If so, then could this be where true joy is found?
For there is nothing that can separate me from this Love.
Hand and help outstretched.
For always and forever.
True life released to live.
Dare I trust in this grace 
that accepts the whole of me,
just as I am?
As the soul-tired mama whose guilt rises with each PBS show,
whose mind clammers with shouts of should's and could's?
The weight buries. 

Am I willing to accept this sweetness?
Because maybe in this case,
receiving really is better than giving. 

Can I receive this gift given so freely?
With no thank-you note expected in return?

Yet, might my life,
lived well,
full of love,
grace,
and overflowing joy
be enough.




Friday, May 6, 2011

Wrestle-Mania

Have you ever second guessed a decision as a parent?
Here's mine today:




They couldn't wait to put on their new summer pajamas...they tore it out of the bag the moment we got home.  
And started wrestling.  
Of course.  
Was I thinking they were just going to prance around looking cute? 
Not a chance.  
Will there be sleep tonight?  
Odds are slim to none. 

Yet they do make me laugh. 

Especially when Owen told me, after putting on his "uniform,"  
"I don't have underwear on, because wrestlers don't wear them.  
Oh, and I need water.  Lots of water. Wrestlers need water." 

...as he body slams off the couch. 

It's going to be a fun afternoon around here!

Thursday, May 5, 2011

This Present Moment

As a parent, especially to little ones,
especially to curious boys,
I find that I need to supervise them under a fairly watchful eye.
Or something like this might happen:


Just saying.  

Yet, I am realizing that even when I am there, I might not really be all there.
No, not in the "I'm losing my marbles" way, 
but in the emotionally present way. 

In the way that takes in the wonder of the moment,
that truly hears and shares in the laughter,
that sees beyond the tears and squabbles,
that enters in to the gift of life. 

Because life flashes by.
And where will I be when I finally wake up?
50?
70?
Will my boys have receding hair-lines and bifocals? 
And how I will long for these days of managed chaos back... 
running feet,
muddy worms,
blueberry shampoo.

Millions of details swallow my presence on a fairly regular basis:
phone calls to return,
dry cleaning to pick up,
play dates to make,
meetings to attend,
food to prepare,
toys to pick up,
laundry to fold,
bills to pay,
plants to water.

But that is just what they are...
details.  

Is my life going to be ruined if I don't get to all these details?

Absolutely not.

But, if I allow these details to take over my life, 
my presence,
the only gift I really have to offer another,
my beloveds,
it just might.
Perhaps the devil really is in the details.

And so today, I intentionally walk slower with two small hands in mine 
for there is no need to rush,
no need to drag,
no need to clip along.
For the moment is here.

And it is a gift.

As I am present, to this moment...
and God help me, the next too...
life almost comes to a stand-still. 
I'm here.
They are here.
I am watching,
experiencing,
shaping,
life.

What an honor.