Today was a hard day. Owen was so sweet, so good all day until...he hauls off and pushes another little boy at the playground, for no reason. Just walked up and shoved him. Then refused to apologize for it. I was furious. I have never been so angry, so embarrassed. I promptly called an end to our playground escapade and went straight home to sit him on a chair. However...he refused to stay on it. So, I hauled him off to his room...which he refused to stay in, and laughed every time I proceeded to put him back. What is a parent to do? I have always been fuzzy about corporal discipline (ie. spanking, etc...). I mean, I was spanked, on rare occasion, as a child. I understand the reasoning behind it. However, I could never before see myself as actually hitting my child (esp. as we teach him not to hit). But when you exhaust every other means, what is there to do? I finally went in to his room and said,
"Owen, I need to hit your hand because you keep getting out of your room when I told you to stay there."
And then flicked his fingers once.
The look on his face killed me. His big eyes were filled with confusion and hurt. But he sat there...for 30 seconds...but then popped out again with a smile. So, I calmly took him back and sat him down again and said it again, and flicked his fingers twice. This time he cried. After I left, so did I. I hated it. I absolutely hated every second of it. I hated that I was forced to this option. But it worked. After about 3 1/2 minutes, I went in and we talked about why he was sent to his room (pushing the boy) and why I had to hit his hand (not listening). I hope to not have to do it...or threaten to do it again.
It would be so much easier to have just come home and thrown up my hands at my discipline attempts and ignore his obvious lack of listening/obeying, due to my own tiredness and fear of discipline/being a bad parent. However, I guess I have to continually remind myself that it is good and necessary for me to keep clear, consistent boundaries with my child. That discipline might feel difficult, but it is helping them know the difference between right and wrong. But, why does it still hurt so much?
5 comments:
Oh goodness Rachel that is the question that all of us Moms want to know! Why does it have to hurt? to discipline them to teach them the ways we want them to live! Your post tugged at my heart. Thanx for posting it & being so truthful in how you handled the situation & how you felt. You just want to scream at them & love them all at the same time! I think you handled it very well! See ya soon!
So I have been "stalking" your blog from time to time but never commented. I can really relate to what you are saying here. I think you did a great job. Yes, it would have been much easier to come home from the park, throw up your hands and carry on as usual. But you taught Owen a great lesson, even though it was a difficult time for both of you. I know when I am in similar situations, often the not listening and behavior of the child during the disciplining is what makes me even more frustrated than the initial incident I am trying to discipline for! Andrew became more much more challenging during this 3 year old year than his "terrible 2" year. Congrats on expecting baby #2!
Rachel-
Hang in there. Do not be so hard on your self either. The important thing is you love Owen and want to do what's best for him.
Hey Rach! We missed you last weekend at Brunch. I think we will for a little while. You're doing a great job with Owen. We use the finger flicks too with Benjamin and he does cry too. It's really hard sometimes, but it's true that it does work. Just be consistant and it'll get easier... or so I hear! ;)
Thanks all for your comments. I really appreciate your feedback. Parenting is quite the challenge and reward! I think my greatest joy in life will be to raise children who are loving, considerate, and have a good sense of humor. Hopefully this will help add to that!
Post a Comment