And it rained blood.
Again.
We thought this month would be different.
I felt so sure.
So secure.
The disappointment overwhelms.
Again.
Where did we go wrong?
As I looked in the bathroom mirror wiping the sleep from my eyes,
I saw the reflection of the disciples who were also so sure
they knew the ending.
This time.
This time would be different.
They were sure of it.
And yet,
it rained blood.
Disappointment overwhelms.
Where did they go wrong?
Pain stings.
It pierces.
Blood runs red.
Today I sit in the darkness,
in solidarity with confusion,
unfulfilled dreams,
crushing sorrow.
Yet, I do not lose hope.
For I know the end of the story.
Darkness does not win.
The night does not last forever.
For Sunday is coming.
And the dawn will rise,
blazing like the noonday,
crushing fear,
defeat
and death.
And even if the stick never reads positive again,
my Resurrection sight awakens my inner eye
to see the life that I've been given.
Owen
and
Connor.
Such grace.
Such grace.
7 comments:
Disappointments come, we deal with them and move forward.
I am so sorry for your recent disappointment. No fancy words,no fancy solutions, just, I love you.
Let the tears flow when they need to and then get up and hug those two precious little codgers who make life interesting. Happy Easter.
praying comfort and healing as you grieve.
Hugs to you, Rach. We had a similar journey with waiting for our third. It can be so hard when it feels like your own body is betraying you, and things aren't happening according to what you had envisioned or expected... May you experience the Resurrection sight you are praying for, to bring visions of hope and healing that overpower the doubt and disappointment.
This is beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing.
Karen B. sent me your way today, knowing that I am going/have been through the same thing. My heart goes out to you - I know firsthand how agonizing the roller coaster can be. But His grace truly is sufficient, and I am incredibly blessed - even if my quiver only has one arrow in it. :)
Sending a warm hug your way...and prayers for peace while you wait and hope.
Oh Rachel! My heart breaks for you. This is so beautifully written and it is so hard to be filled with hope one moment and then dashed another. I care. I know this is really difficult. How are you feeling right now? Is there anything you need right now? Do you want to go out for a drink or for a walk?
Your poem speaks volumes and yet offers such hope...hope how Jesus portrays hope. You walked this journey with me in Denver and gave me inspiration. Inspiration to learn what God wanted to teach through these unwanted circumstances. I know God imparted so much to me through those years that I would take my years of infertility all over again to learn His Joy in difficulty and what He wanted to teach me. Thanks for sharing your journey and know others are interceding for you:)
Deep thanks to each of you. I appreciate your care and prayers. I trust in God's bigger picture...there will be much to learn.
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